My stance is this: I’ll listen to your point-of-view if it’s well-informed, cleverly constructed and you don’t take yourself too seriously. Good grammar is also essential. There’s no excuse for spelling ‘relevant’ as ‘relevent’ unless you’ve gone 48 hours without sleep and have consumed enough vodka to plaster a small Russian village.

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With boys and girls getting a hard-on or wet panties for marble man Robert Pattinson, it was inevitable that TV execs would create a weekly teen bloodsucker attraction. But did they have to resort to the drek that is Vampire Diaries?

Set somewhere in middle America, Vampire Diaries, or VD as I prefer to call it (since it’s just as ugly), makes New Moon look like a Fellini masterpiece.

At least something happens to Twilight vampires when they go in the sun, even if it is fairy sparkling. In VD, the vampire hunk is named “Stefan” (say it in a girlish whisper), sits happily in full sunshine and doesn’t have to fight any bloody-thirsty urges. He even plays high-school football for fuck’s sake.

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Love is what you make it – go ahead.

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Teaching a beautiful redhead toddler how to get all the foam out of her babycchino cup.

The same little girl asking for bits of my omelette breakfast, the sweet cherry tomatoes in particular (she obviously has good taste).

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