Category Archives: Experience

Dear Nedbank

I remember the early days of our relationship. It was a happy time. But over the years you slowly started to neglect me. You didn’t understand or listen to me. You would offer me credit cards and insurance, but never a better account or advice. I became sad and resentful. When FNB offered me a platinum account and to take care of everything if I moved to them, I jumped at the chance.

Then you called to tell me I was receiving a new garage card because mine had expired. I politely declined and explained I was leaving you. Your response was that I’d still be charged for the garage card unless I went into a branch to cancel it. I pleaded and you finally agreed that you wouldn’t send me the card. I then decided to end things properly, clearing all my funds, and asking you to close my account. Here is what happened up until this morning:

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Despite all of this, 20 minutes ago I received a phonecall from you. Like a crazy ex-lover you were offering me things I’ve told you many time I do not want. You were calling me even though I told you two days ago to leave me alone. I think you need professional help Nedbank. I really hope you get it. But to me, now you’re just some bank that I used to know.

Goodbye

Amanda

Angry Birds Africa

Much to my surprise (I hate computer games), I’ve become an Angry Birds fan. I don’t know what it is, but shooting little birds at little piggies reduces my stress levels considerably. I’ve nearly clocked the Rio version now and am rather worried about what I’ll do next.

So I’d like to suggest to Rovio that they create an “Angry Birds Africa” with a few modifications and additions:


Instead of pigs there will be warthogs.

 

Ostrich Obliterator - This angry bird will run very fast, then leap and crash down when you touch it.

Hadeda Heckler - The legendary Ibis will emit a sonic boom when touched, stunning all warthogs within range.

Xmas day must-haves

For me, the 25th of December is simply not complete without certain things:

1. Champagne & orange juice – for breakfast of course

 

2. Snoek pate or trout terrine with melba toast – always reminds me of my gran

3. Quality Street – the green triangle is my favourite favourite

 

4. Lamb, lamb and more lamb – with lots of garlic

 

5. Mince pies – the English are weird, but I love these

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Crackers – oh look, a sewing kit!

I can’t believe I’m alive

My first thought as the truck came hurtling towards me was “I’m going to die.” As metal screeched and the windshield cracked, I closed my eyes and then… Nothing. The truck had stopped, smoke hissing.

Luckily it clipped two cars, removed a traffic light and knocked over a street pole before landing on my Yaris. That’s when I finally moved, terrified the roof was going to collapse and trap me under the truck. I undid my seatbelt and climbed over the passenger seat as fast as I could.

I smelled the sweet slickness of oil running down the road. My legs wobbled and fell out from under me. A stranger helped me up.

I might start pole dancing.

It’s very unsettling to realise you’re alive when you were about to become another statistic. I feel like someone was watching over me. I’m also grateful for street poles and amazing Toyota manufacturing. Watching my wonderful little Yaris being towed away made my heart hurt – I’ll probably never see her again.

My poor Yaris. It saved me.

Impact-wise, my back’s a little stiff from tensing in shock and my stomach hurts from nerves, but otherwise I’m miraculously well; unlike the worker in the back of the truck who was bleeding and carried off on a stretcher.

I’m pretty sure the truck’s brakes failed. It was a dilapidated piece of crap that shouldn’t have been on the road.

Not hiring Randpave, ever.

Life is fragile. I never understood that until now. You can be innocently waiting at a red light and a one-tonner will come plowing across the intersection, over the traffic island and straight into you. Which is why I’m now eating a slab of Dairy Milk chocolate in bed with the man I love.