Tag Archives: sex

Sex & Sickness

After a trip to the hospital that was less Grey’s Anatomy and more Nurse Jackie, I spent the past week in bed not doing anything interesting except annoying my husband with a nagging cough. Apparently there are degrees of bronchitis and it doesn’t “just go away”.

I believe bed is for fun and sleeping, not convalescing, which is why in my sneezing, sniffing, stomach-crunching coughing misery I still felt vaguely amorous. Maybe it’s that whole affirmation of life thing. I certainly felt like dying.

Anyway, these thoughts were crossing my pharmaceutical-addled brain when a courier arrived with the latest Women’s Health and Men’s Health Sex Issues plus lots of libidinous treats (nuts, chocolates, coffee beans).

Sexy medicine

It was a sign really, and a wonderful distraction from the pity party I was throwing myself. Even though I felt like the ugliest, most disease-ridden being on the planet, I would be fit, healthy and have sex again!

After eating the nuts and reading WH, I definitely perked up a bit. A long hot bath and layers of moisturising cream later, I took my medicine and made peace with this damn sickness, giving my husband a big kiss when he got home.

Of course, I forgot that the pill doesn’t work when you take antibiotics. I also dreamt I was pregnant. Fuck.

If I had a penis…

What woman hasn’t thought about having a penis? Hell, I’ve dreamt about having a penis so many times I’ve lost count. It’s a natural curiosity about how the other half feels and lives with a (hopefully) weighty appendage. That said, I wonder if as many men think about having a vagina.

5 Things I’d Do If I Had a Penis For One Day:

•    Have sex with a woman.
•    Have sex with a man.
•    Get a blowjob.
•    Masturbate.
•    Pee standing up.

I’m sure there are a multitude of other things, but I’d be pretty happy (not to mention tired) if I could just try those. It certainly makes for an interesting thought experiment.