In winter, I think Jozi wins. The shopping is better and you can have a picnic in May.

Joburg

• Customer service is always brilliant. No uber-cool, hand-on-hip sighing when you ask for black pepper.
• The air is painfully lip-cracking, nose-bleeding dry in winter. On the upside, the sun shines all day.
• The massive weight of traffic has created two black holes called Boksburg and Kempton Park.
• The 3-series BMW is considered an entry-level vehicle.

Cape Town

• Five confectionery salespeople lolling behind the counter, oblivious to your desperate need for Smarties and popcorn before you miss Star Trek.
• The howling rain moves horizontally and mocks your feeble umbrella, turning it into an objet d’art.
• Even though it pours down every year, Capetonians always forget how to drive at the first sign of precipitation. Chaos and fender-benders ensue.
• The 1987 Ford Datsun is considered an entry-level vehicle.