If I had a penis…

What woman hasn’t thought about having a penis?

What woman hasn’t thought about having a penis? Hell, I’ve dreamt about having a penis so many times I’ve lost count. It’s a natural curiosity about how the other half feels and lives with a (hopefully) weighty appendage. That said, I wonder if as many men think about having a vagina.

5 Things I’d Do If I Had a Penis For One Day:

•    Have sex with a woman.
•    Have sex with a man.
•    Get a blowjob.
•    Masturbate.
•    Pee standing up.

I’m sure there are a multitude of other things, but I’d be pretty happy (not to mention tired) if I could just try those. It certainly makes for an interesting thought experiment.

16 thoughts on “If I had a penis…”

  1. Amod Munga says:

    I think giving up one’s penis – even for a day – would be too extreme to contemplate. They’re like plumb-lines or counter-weights. I’m sure we’d walk awkwardly or topple over backwards without them. I mean, we give them names (if only so we don’t have a complete stranger making all our decisions for us) and we “check” on them at least once every 3 hours. It’s like a Tamagotchi. Wait. It’s more like a teddy bear replacement. Forced to give up the one, we now rely on cuddling the other.

    If anything, I’d like a pair of breasts. Nothing too large. A “C” cup would suit be fine. Perky, prominent and presentable. I’d hit the town, flashing them at relevant people and receiving better rates on my insurance and lowered speeding fines (if any).

    Yeah…and Heather Graham’s legs to go with ’em.

  2. André says:


    2. was a bit of a shock. Until I thought about:
    a. You’d be a woman with a penis (well, technically, a TG…), not a man.
    (Of course the flip-side in my head is why I wasn’t shocked at 1. :)) Which says more about me than you…
    b. For (most) women, it’s normal to be penetrated. Interest in being the penetrat-or would be understandable.

    Right, that sorted, my other observation is:
    It’s probably best that I NOT have breasts for a day.

    And lastly. D’you know that your amatomu widget intrudes into this comment box?
    (Mac OSX running FF3.5) Again, ek sê net.


  3. amanda says:

    I need to update WordPress so that could be it. And you’re right about the reversal of penetrator-penetrated roles. Gee, I suck as a feminist.

  4. amanda says:

    I’d want Heather Graham’s legs whether I was a man, a woman or an amoeba.

  5. Warren K says:

    It’s probably best that I don’t have a vagina for a day. I would be in the Emergency room before 10am!

    One thing you wouldn’t enjoy is the pee-hard-on. It’s a very confused morning-glory. He’s bursting to wee, yet being hard, he’s looking for a place, any place, to jam himself into. And I won’t even get into how to make a wee with a hard-on.

    If we ever did swap genitals for the day, we’d better make sure we never leave the house!

  6. amanda says:

    The pee hard-on? Gosh, I learn something new every day.

  7. André says:

    Update: No need to fret about the upgrade just yet. Believe my No-Script intimidated your Java-Script. Sorted.
    Question: Is it more challenging being a feminist, considering your stratospheric DDG factor? (real question)

  8. amanda says:

    Well I used to be ugly so maybe that helped 🙂 I think it’s harder to be a ‘feminist’ if you’re an attractive woman. And what is a feminist anyway? Everyone has their own definition. I’ve had other women say to my face, “Oh you’ve had it easy, being pretty.” But you can only get by on charm and looks for so long. After that, you’d better have something interesting to say!

  9. André says:

    DDG = Drop Dead Gorgeous. And that’s an innocent observation :))

  10. Warren K says:

    DDG = Drop-Dead-Gorgeous.

    And there’s another thin you’ve learned today. Just think, the mere thought of having a penis for a day has already enlightened you. Imagine what really having one would be like?

  11. Craig says:

    Nope. Nope. Can’t say I have ever dreamt about having a vagina.

    Damn it! Does that make me not normal then? O.o (:P)

  12. Educational read, really.

  13. D says:

    Actually………*blush*…………i have wondered.

    And similarly it’s to know what woman feel……i mean seriously……..esp the “getting wet” thing – mystifies me!

  14. I was wondering why this post was so popular 🙂 lol!

    And what will you call ‘him’ Amanda?

    16 Weird Names Ladies Call Their Vaginas | The Frisky http://bit.ly/dBkj9x

  15. TeePOG says:

    Puts me in mind of a scene from some random Beavis & Butthead episode: They were watching some random punk band’s guitar player do his stuff, which in this case involved some lightning guitar moves. Beavis turns to Butthead and says “If my wrist could move that fast, I’d never leave the house.”

    So yeah… I’d be willing to wager that, if any of ye commenters ever ends up with a penis AND a pair of breasts, you’d never leave the house. Unless it was to visit another of your similarly endowed friends, in which case I’m so there with a camera and the local pizza delivery boy will make his community college tuition in a week’s worth of tips if he happens to stop at the bottle store on the way.

Comments are closed.