I know plenty of beautifully proportioned women who never truly enjoy a slice of chocolate cake. They berate themselves and plan torturous gym sessions to atone for every calorific bite. It’s like those “waiting for marriage” girls who lose their virginity on a drunken one-night stand. Oh the guilt! The shame! Did I really put that in my mouth last night?

And that’s where the problem lies — food is pleasure and puritanical nations have taught people that pleasure is sinful.

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Some of us take to the sea like a duck to honey-glaze sauce. Some even profess that “hey, shoo, wow, I’m just so at one with the ocean man”.

Unfortunately this means we feel entitled to do whatever we like without being hindered by other creatures who live there. So what if they have fins, gills and a swim bladder, I can hold my breath for one minute and do breaststroke!

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Buffels is such an under-rated beach holiday spot, can’t really call it a town. There’s that one all-purpose store on the beachfront, stocking everything from fishing gear to pots to sherbet straws to tortoises made from seashells.

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* My jewellery. I house it all in an art supplies box. None of it is really valuable, but certain pieces are talismans of memory. The flower necklace my friend Leanne gave me. The Geraldine Fenn lion pendant my husband gave me for our first anniversary. The Fossil watch my parents gave me on my 21st birthday.

* My degree. A BA in Politics and Journalism from Rhodes, it reminds me that I once perfectly understood Marx’s theory of historical materialism.

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